Money Tree

A secret source has revealed that Horticulturists have been secretly cultivating a special species of tree and it’s official. The Deciduous Wampum Contumacious is complete. The Green Team, a top secret team hired by Congress, has been working 24/7 and finally completed its creation well before schedule.

Thankfully, and not a moment too soon, because this 2nd bailout is costing taxpayers another 800 billion dollars. The only glitch in this miraculous situation is who is going to pluck the greenbacks from the branches. It’s been reported that top Horticulturists have been fighting amongst themselves, even resorting to calling one another names such as dirt bag, dandelion and even petunia! If this childish fighting doesn’t stop, and soon, there’s no telling when the bills will be plucked and if the fresh dollars will be delivered in time to save the Big Three.

When reporters questioned senior staff members about the deciduous factor of the trees they were told, “The Wampum trees bud and grow faster than Congress can spend or even print money. When the trees shed their greenbacks they fall to the ground and wrinkle, then we have to press them. Plucking the greenbacks from the branches is better because the bills look fresh. Like they were printed from the printing press.”


With Wampum Trees we can ditch the toilet paper and start using our money in the bathroom-at least it will be good for something.